Sunday, July 31, 2005

Bangalore definitions

Bangalore, (re)defined:

Oxymoron: "Bangalore infrastructure" is an oxymoron. There aint no such thing as Bangalore infrastructure. Theres Bangalore, theres infrastructure, but theres no intersection between the two.

Pathetic: Usually used in the context of roads. Congratulations! This means, you have a road. This means that you are driving on something that is mostly a potholed, breaking maze of asphalt punctuated by feetwide hillocks every few metres. These stretches are also known and regarded as highways by Bangalore drivers.

Speedbreakers: The smoothest part of a "pathetic" "road". (They are also hillocks on pathetic roads. See "pathetic")

Non existent: Again used in the context of roads. When vehicles drive over unsurfaced pathways of red mud, they are called non existent roads. There are infinite varieties of non existent roads in Bangalore. The kind that appear in advertisements for SUV's. (Factoid: Bangalore has the highest number of SUV testing going on at any point in time. Rumours have it that many new SUV plants are being set up here because they dont have to invest in testing tracks.)

Flyovers: Works of art that appear, usually over signals on busy roads. Traffic has been slowed down in these parts ( yes, slower than the already slow traffic in other parts of the city) so that people spend time appreciating the beauty of this art.

Potholes: Lakes that appear intermittently on some pathways (roads of the category pathetic and non existent). Some of the bigger potholes can be used for swimming and boating.

Rain: Anything that leaks from a car is rain. A glass of water can bring the city to a standstill. A glass of water (5 cms of rain) can cause traffic jams, power cuts and water logging.

Electricity: That thing which happens between two power cuts that causes fans to stop and start running, which were otherwise running peacefully on a diesel powered generator.

Greenery: Green paint seen on the outside of houses in civilian areas. Classified as moss, grass on walls and small plants in pots. There is a move to classify plastic plants as greenery (which could mutiply greenery here). On roads and military areas, greenery means lovely big shade offering trees. (Factoid: Udyan express (which runs between Bombay and Bangalore) might soon be renamed Concrete express)


Jam said...

Hey there,

Now although all of what you've mentioned in this post is absolutely true and I have no qualms in admitting this, but then being someone who's spent all but 16 months of his 25 yr old life in Bangalore, can't help but feel a little bad that you've projected the city in such bad light.

Anyways, here goes my lame attempt at trying to highlight the good aspects of Bangalore -
- the welcoming nature of the city, it probably has lesser Kannadigas than people from the rest of India
- the weather still has to be the best in that side of the country, with the right mix of Summer, Winter and the rains
- the maximum amount of greenery in one single place, anywhere in the country (discounting the forests)
- the 24/7 culture which probably is second only to Mumbai
- the laidback, relaxed ambience that the city lives with

I could go on and on, but then I am too biased about Bangalore as it is 'home' and as the saying goes, 'home is where the heart is'


Neelakantan said...

True, Bangalore does have a lot of positives, but these days, its tough to focus on them without losing sight of the negatives...

Welcoming nature of the city, yes, I agree, Bombay also has fewer Maharashtrians than others, but then again thats due to business considerations and how the city evolved from a cantonment town
Weather, no doubts..
Greenery, this is a little overhyped, cos of the urban sprawl
24/7, not quite, only if you have your own vehicle...public transport is abysmal...
laidback, yes, wish Bangalore is more fast paced like Mumbai..

and yes, as you might have guessed till now, i am a Mumbaiite hardcore and I do like Bangalore. But I wish it gets better and more responsive governments which care about the city.

Ashish Hanwadikar said...

Why do you need roads when you have information superhighway?


F e r r a r i said...

24/7 in bangalore???
Everything closes by 9.30(if you are lucky)

The things that are good in bangalore are god given
The things that are bad in bangalore are man made

Niti Bhan said...

aah but in my youth, studying at BMSCE, riding my TVS 50 XL around Koramangala, going to The Pub, when the only competition it had was Fatimas, those were the real "Bangalore" days

Nks said...

Hey Come on ,

True B'lore has problems with Infrastructure. It's the city that was 3rd biggest city (after Toky0 & london)in absorping the commercial space!!!

Do you know what it means....Give it a thought.If that was the demand for commercial space, which means so many firms were set up, & so many people with jobs.

No with all these happening in a short wisker of time (2003-2005), where on earth would Indian politicians have time to catch up!!(Ok on that front politicial from any country)!!!

I guess instead of looking at in that sense let's look at how we could "Positively" contribute to growth & improvment of Bangalore!!

The Term Bangalore evokes feras across globe...that's the edge this city has....

It is the IT city, BT slowly among other things Financial services city!!!

nagabhushana said...

Now Bangalore is changed to

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