Sunday, February 20, 2011

Gscionitis

Gscionitis (pronounced, scionitis, silent G) – is an affliction of certain persons of "noble" descent to procrastinate their ascent to power. Usually found in combination with a propensity to obsessively compulsively seek photo ops .

Symptoms

  • Accompanied by severe occurrence of foot in the mouth disease, especially in front of foreigners or outsiders and a severe occurrenc of  "Speakers block" (like writers block) in front of homegrown audiences
  • Demonstrates an Inability to answer or comprehend questions and conversations (and when doing so, usually necessitates strong backpedal treatment by a large team.)
  • combined with: An ability to stick to rehearsed dialogues and when confronted later, amnesia
Tests
  • Facing the crowds test – Put the subject in front of a random set of educated people and ask questions. The test will generate negative scores. Do note that this test is very very difficult to perform considering subjects legendary ability to procrastinate and run (but the running away is never procrastinated).
  • History test – Select a random historic issue and ask the subject if he has any idea of the same. Again, very difficult to test since the subject is extremely difficult to pin down for a test. Same test with Chinese manufactured Talking parrot is often known to give better results.
  • Deja Vu: Subject is known to answer the same questions with slightly different answers each time in an extremely controlled environment. Subject is also known to have propensity to meet uneducated or gullible people like students (many students suffer a condition known as charismatis - now known to be almost eliminated except in journalists). Multiple negative experiences with said audiences can aggravate slipperiness index of subject:
  • Slipperiness index: The tendency of the subject to slip away either before arrival due to rain or snow in summer of extreme heat in winter. Or on arrival, a tendency to slip away on observing someones watch. Usually accelerated by a question that is not on list.
Treatment
  • No known treatments - its an extremely rare condition, not usually running in families
  • Forceful administration of "official" responsibilities
Prognosis
  • Hyperactive mute button
  • A Tendency to repeat certain statements
  • A goldfish like memory
Complications
  •   Acute Amnesia as the condition worsens
Prevention
  •  Currently the only known cure for this is a the application of a puppet or runner or playback singer (like seen in Padosan). There is no direct cure available for scionitis. Though sisters are often known to save the dynasty. Mothers with extreme silence are known to complicate matters leading to wrong diagnosis.
Completely, Totally and Comprehensively inspired by the Blue Turbanitis.

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