Sunday, April 01, 2012

India's New Superhero

This is an age of confusion. There are so many things happening in this world, especially in this country of ours. The country is being divided into two - I have heard this too often, there are two Indias. And then there is the problem of the country going to the dogs and the presence of too many oranges. This could be an unrelated problem, but there is no saying that someone needs to step in, preferably by helicopter, become a sipahi for the nation and unite the country into one. And thereafter the world. The time is ripe, in other words, for, Rahulman.

Unlike the other superheroes who have walked the earth and have extraterrestrial origins, Rahulman, is from this earth only, indeed your very country. He is not from any other planet, though at times, you might easily find yourself asking, what planet is he from? But that's just you, an ordinary human being condemned to your lowly existence. Believe in the legend, you ignoramus.

Unlike other superheroes, he does not have a secret identity. The secret is that there is no secret at all with his identify. What you see is all there is to Rahulman. And this is what keeps people guessing as to who is the superhero and where he is? Indeed, it is the whole question of the existence of the secret identity that makes him a real superhero - a superhero of the times. Don't confuse him with your aunty's superhero who had a secret identity. These days, the superheroes have no secret or identity or they rely on the media to create it for them.

Unlike other superheroes, he grows a beard. Especially during election time. Why does a superhero need to be elected? If you cannot understand this, please stop reading this right away.

Unlike other superheroes, he even has dimples - two of them. And they are put to good use. Those dashing good looks can make up for many an anomaly. In an age of superficiality, he is the definition. How many superheroes can claim to be superficial as well? After all superficiality has to be a superpower no? Even our country is a super power, and we sometimes have a super power cut as well, right?

And how could I forget. He eats. Like ordinary mortals. How many superheroes do you know actually eat? Have you seen Superman savour a meal? There! I got you, did I not. Rahulman eats, often at other peoples houses. And especially those poor ones, who struggle for a meal. He shares a meal with them. At other times, he has been spotted partaking many other rich Indian delicacies. And no, this is not fiction, there is proof of it everywhere.

Unlike other superheroes. He can read. Give speeches. Lots of them. Prepared ones. Usually to illiterate audiences, but from what I have heard, even illiterates learn about deep economics in a 30 minute speech after waiting for about 3 hours. Like the fact that there are two Indias while all along we have been led up the garden path believing there is just one.

Unlike other superheroes, he makes things happen, not directly, but by his presence. Come on, real work is done by those 20th century superheroes. In the age of telepresence, who needs reality? Reality is for TV's. His mere presence is enough to ignite the confidence of millions, as a catalyst. Just a smile, a wave is enough. Imagine, a smile that lights up a million, a wave that is noticed by a billion. Direct work takes way too much time and it just too inefficient.

Unlike other superheroes, he has the ability to retrospect. No, thats not a typo of introspect. He can retrospectively fit himself into an event and ensure that his countrymen succeed. Like the world cup for instance. How many superheroes inspire an entire team into winning a world cup after they won the cup? And that is just the beginning. Many events have his unseen, invisible hand.

Unlike other superheroes, he attracts successes. Only. Go on, search for it. There is no failure that is registered in his name. There are a million others who fail for him, so that he and he alone succeeds, sometimes with retrospective effect.

He travels. Like other people. Sometimes by helicopter. Sometimes by hitching a ride on a bike. Or travels ticketless on a train. Just like you and me. There are pictures sir. Not too many superheroes linger around for a photograph once they have done their deed. Thats for those superheroes. Not this one. Life is but a series of photo opportunities for Rahulman. Unlike other superheroes who are content to do the deed and vanish into anonymity, he poses near every deed of his waving his hands till all photographers take the best pictures. Often he takes pictures even before the deed is done and his team does the remaining doctoring. Just see all those pictures on the net of the good deeds in anticipation and good deeds in assumption of Rahulman.

He has a mentor. And a media wing. And security. Remember, I told you, he is no ordinary superhero? He is not. Unlike those other superheroes, he is neither too young or too old. Who wants them? Rahulman defines youth, not the other way round.

Unfortunately the last battle he faced, he was kind of pummeled by someone upstart. But he will be back. Like all good superheroes. There will be a comeback, just when you think he is vanquished.

(Any resemblance to anybody you know is not my fault - it is, as they say, pure coincidence. I personally dont know any such person.)

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