Friday, May 25, 2012

An ISI wish list

Dear God, Here is a list of wishes that we, as ISI, have for our neighbouring country -India. If there is someway you can help fulfil some (all would be great) of these, that will be really nice for us. 

  • The Indian Army should have a shortage of ammunition
  • The Indian Government and the Indian Army should fight, publicly, thereby bringing down the status of the Indian army in the eyes of the people.
  • Sell defective or substandard or old equipment to the Indian army
  • Somehow get an foothold on that blistering cold Siachen place and then screw Indias happiness.
  • Gain an ear into the Indian telecom sector through some dubious entity so they can conveniently eavesdrop into the conversations of India.
  • Get some foothold into selling dubious telecom equipment to India while we are at it.
  • Get a few useful idiots to mouth our wishes on Kashmir by getting them on free foreign trips and some good accommodation.
  • Somehow, get these few useful idiots to advise the government on Kashmir in an official capacity.
  • Somehow, a nice public report advising the government to effectively give up Kashmir should find its way into the public domain with the active blessings of the government. And use that as a starting point in future negotiations.
  • Somehow get India to build an asset in our territory, so Indias neck can be choked without having to move an inch out of our own country. Preferably, like a gas/oil pipeline that can wreck Indias energy security would be nice, eh?
  • As part of death by a thousand cuts, have some other terror movement that is not directly connected to the religiously motivated one that we support. Preferably this terror movement should have its origins in backward areas so that useful idiots will write blaming the gross inequality in India for such movements.
  • Have a few media outlets talk about making peace with us, under the cover of arts, literature and some such shit. And then use this to get some railway locos, oil, electricity and other freebies. While we are at it, a liberal visa regime would be nice too.
  • Get fantastic media coverage each time our puppet visits India on a personal visit and makes some vapourware loose change as donation.
  • Outsource the religious terror movement completely to an Indian entity that then goes about doing its own thing - like the proverbial cats paw.
  • Get someone (as good as Teesta) to advise the HRD ministry on education so that the new generation grows up admiring us, rather than ignoring us.
As you can see, our government has fulfilled most of these wishes...What else could be on this wish list?

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