Gujarat has been ruled by one man for over 10 years now. I mean, this is too much. Other states have had multiple CM's, some have had multiple Dy CM's - Gujarat has lost out on all of this. Think of all the swearing and swearing in and swearing out and other parties and fun and bus rides and kidnapping MLA's and what not, you have missed.
And what did Gujarat get? A day of fasting in each district? And this in the land of unlimited Gujarati thalis? Outrageous, I say.
Gujarat has very few electricity outages or load shedding - dont you miss out on all the fun? In most other states, there is some electricity between load shedding. You cannot see stars when there is so much electricity - all those inspirations are missed. There is an entire crop of students growing up in Gujarat without a life story to tell about studying under the streetlight. Also, electricity kills. Shocking is it not? In the interest of the state, rampant use of electricity ought to be curbed. They actually expect you to pay for electricity. First they supply you twenty four hours electricity - and then they expect you to pay for it. It is a scheme to bankrupt you, I say. And those generator and inverter companies - how will they make money if you have so much electricity that you sell it to other states? It kills entrepreneurs who were waiting to make inverters.
No free laptops, no free electricity, no election sops like grinders and TV's - And the ruling party expects you to work and buy all of this? Why? Whyever? A large part of India is getting these just by flipping the remote on free TV's, digging and filling ditches and running after monkeys. Infact, many of them will get free cash for their votes. Imagine that. Ah, well, what will you do with free cash when there is prohibition anyway. Learn from them, Gujaratis. Why work, when laziness can get you so much?
Gujarat has been having rather high growth rates over the past few years. That will cause vertigo - this dizzying rate of growth. Whats the big idea? To get off and join China? And besides, it is not good for health at all. And with unlimited Gujarati thalis, vertigo is a bad combination. Get off that speeding rocket, Gujaratis, get into the rest of Indias slow train to Garibi Badhao.
There is no corruption in Gujarat. No speed money, no wink and nudge for projects, no bribes. How pathetic. None of Gujarats ministers have reported multifold increase in assets. Look at the rest of the country. A former PM has a petrol bunk in my city. Cousins and little ones of politicians are making millions selling shares of shell companies. Some of their children own television channels and cosy monopolies for government supplies. What are you getting? Nothing. Why will your children enter politics? And imagine, you cannot create a dynastic party at all. And if you cannot create free careers for dynasties that are no good, what is the whole point of entering politics?
No elephant statues, no Rajiv Gandhi schemes, no strikes, no fiscal deficit - I mean, what do you watch on TV's each day? All you got was masks last year - and this year? Just Modi in 3D? It is all Maya, I say.
And industries are coming to Gujarat. Hello? Does that mean you wont get a chance to search for jobs across the country? Why? There are so many opportunities in other parts of India. And the world. You should get everything at home eh? There are so many stories of people who left their homes and found wealth, prosperity and happiness elsewhere. You are missing out on all that, I tell you.
Sigh. The rest of the country is having much fun seeing the corrupt rule the country and states. We get to debate figures on corruption - on whether it is a few crores or a few hundred crores. There are entire TV channels defending the corrupt. There are riots happening in many states, but all that is not news, because of secularism, you see. There are allies of the government who are held at gun point. The country is now a place where with each stone you unturn, there is a new scam. We are debating when that reluctant no good prince will rule us. The rest of the country is surely having a very exciting life.
Yes, you have roads. You have electricity. You have peace of mind. You have girls going to school. You have industries flocking to your state. You have jobs. You have an ambulance service that actually works. Hell, you have an entire government and bureaucracy that actually works for you.
And yet the media is busy pulling wool over our eyes that it is your government that is not doing anything and that we are ruled by an honest head of government under whose watch runs perhaps the most corrupt government ever...