Long Cycle wash: Image sullied? Ticker did not work? No problems. Check into our laundry where over an interview, your image will be washed clean of all daags. A few tears may be needed to soften the image later, but the laundry can handle that – technology is no problem here.
The Duck Stops at your Home: We will come to your home, in your garden (err...why is that relevant) and do an interview at your place while your image gets washed. We will assure you the softest treatment of your image and deliver it at express speed across any friendly channel you desire - though Now-adays, at Times, it does not work.
We, the washerpeople: Sustained cleaning by a larger set of dhobis, used to clean images not cleaned by normal, local washing.
1.40 rupee sachet: Quick image washing services for 1.40 rupees only. Again, open 24X7, even when we are closed for other services. Offer open only for VIP customers. Direct Messages accepted. Multi-use recommended for sustained instant image cleaning.
Fan Services: On sending an appreciative note, a free 1.40 sachet will be delivered almost instantly. No guarantee or warranty. Multi-use may not work.
Life Time Service Agreement: Currently this offer is closed. And cannot be availed. Limited customers only, by invitation.
Country Level Agreement: Currently closed. Periodically offer opens to 'secular' nations, 'secular' protests.
Also, available, Chalta-Bakta (loosely, translated, walking-talking) services for portable use.
Caveat Emptor: Works with secular dirt only, not communal dirt. Even a small fleck of communal dirt will be magnified by the use of this product.
Proposed Hindi Jingle: