Sunday, January 13, 2013

Washing Powder proposal

Presenting Rain (Barkha in Hindi) brand washing powder. 
Best when used on certain propaganda machines, but works over other friendly machines too. 
Caution: Works only for 'secular' dirt. 
Slogan: Secular daag achche hain

Services offered by New Dhulai Tele Washers (one of two exclusive sale outlet of Rain washing powder): 
Ticker Services: First, we ignore the dirt. Then, if it spreads too much, we use a little washing powder strip to clean it locally over a small area. Only if it does not work, we recommend other solutions.

Long Cycle wash: Image sullied? Ticker did not work? No problems. Check into our laundry where over an interview, your image will be washed clean of all daags. A few tears may be needed to soften the image later, but the laundry can handle that – technology is no problem here.

24x7 service: Need a quick image makeover? Let us know. We will send over our specialist technician diva to come over and redo your image over a thread by thread cleaning. Even at midnight. Charges, will, of course, vary, but surely, for an urgent image fix, charges should not be a  factor.

The Duck Stops at your Home: We will come to your home, in your garden (err...why is that relevant) and do an interview at your place while your image gets washed. We will assure you the softest treatment of your image and deliver it at express speed across any friendly channel you desire - though Now-adays, at Times, it does not work.

We, the washerpeople: Sustained cleaning by a larger set of dhobis, used to clean images not cleaned by normal, local washing.

1.40 rupee sachet: Quick image washing services for 1.40 rupees only. Again, open 24X7, even when we are closed for other services. Offer open only for VIP customers. Direct Messages accepted. Multi-use recommended for sustained instant image cleaning.

Fan Services: On sending an appreciative note, a free 1.40 sachet will be delivered almost instantly. No guarantee or warranty. Multi-use may not work.

Life Time Service Agreement: Currently this offer is closed. And cannot be availed. Limited customers only, by invitation.

Country Level Agreement: Currently closed. Periodically offer opens to 'secular' nations, 'secular' protests.

Also, available, Chalta-Bakta (loosely, translated, walking-talking) services for portable use.

Caveat Emptor: Works with secular dirt only, not communal dirt. Even a small fleck of communal dirt will be magnified by the use of this product.

Proposed Hindi Jingle:

Washing Powder Barkha, washing powder Barkha
doodh si safedi, Barkha se aaye
jaldi se 'secularon' ko safedi mil jaaye 
(sing to the tune of a familiar old washing powder ad)

(This is satire, what did you expect?)

1 comment:

Savitha Rao said...

Very true..Few weeks ago saw an interview of Sheila Dikshit by Barkha Dutt . Shiela Dikshit was basically denying any responsibility at all for the sorry state of Delhi wrt security for women. And Barkha kept giving her patronizing nods .

I don't think Sheila Dikshit had the courage to allow any of the other channels like Times Now or CNN-IBN to interview her.