Monday, March 31, 2014

Liberal rules

Are you a liberal or not?  This simple question has confused the hell out of many people for ages. Actually the question is best asked as Am I a liberal or not? And is it ok to not be a liberal? These are important questions. Because upon it depends your entire life - mostly. Especially, if you crave a lot of recognition - that is, liberal recognition. Or else you would be a Hindutva troll. Or a Nationalist. Or a fungus. And who wants to be a fungus. In fact being a fungus is better than being a Hindutva troll.

So, what are those liberal rules? Mostly applicable to Hindu liberals only. Those are the ones I mostly encounter.
  •  Are you reasonably well off? This is very very important to be a liberal. Unless you are reasonably well off, you cannot be a liberal.  If you are not reasonably well off and still aspire to be a liberal - let me assure you that it is not possible. I mean, you wont even be noticed by fungi. And if you are not noticed even by fungi, what is the point of being liberal.
  • You generally question the idea of India. For example, India is not a country. This gentleman (mentioned in my post, IS a liberal) 
  • You are an atheist. Mostly of your own religion. On other religions, you say, well, you cannot comment. And god forbid if I tell you that I believe in Hinduism. Hinduism is not a religion for you, much like India is not a country and therefore, both do not deserve to be protected. Anyway who protects a religion which makes up 80% of the country.
  • You have read Noam Chomsky and Arundhati Roy. Sometimes, their books. Atleast, their articles. Alright, you would have read the titles of their books atleast. At least the God of small things. And you definitely think it is a good book. 
    • You detest Chetan Bhagat.
  • You think multiculturalism (without knowing what it means) is the way forward.
  • You hate George Bush and love Obama. Why, you dont know. On afterthought it is because Bush laid waste to a fertile, prosperous and democratic Pakistan and Afghanistan.
  • You have tasted the secular cool aid. In your books, the Shiv Sena is bad, the BJP is communal, but the Muslim League is a Congress ally and therefore cool. Actually you do not even know that the Muslim League exists and therefore refuse to acknowledge it. On the other hand, asking that question should  make me a fungi in your eyes.
  • You generally do not believe in rituals. Especially Hindu rituals. The other rituals, well, you say, it is their choice. Indeed this is the only place you wont equivocate. In all other places, equivocation would be your choice of argument. (Yes, do look at the dictionary, it is worth it) 
  • Of course, all religions are equal. Not equally bad. Just equal.
  • You have not read Taslima Nasreen (bad author no?) Or Rahul Pandita (did he write a book on Kashmir, really?). Or Bhyrappa (who is that - I have read of him)
 But all those are generalities. Coming to specifics.
  • You think all the acts which start with "Right to" are good. After all how can anything that starts with with word Right be wrong.
  • You think that the NREGA is a great idea. As are doles. Actually you have no idea, but you think it is cool.
  • You think that India had only 1 or 2 riots. And even if the others did, you care only about 1. And not the cause, not what the supreme court says, but because you think it is cool to think so. 
  • Corruption is bad, but communalism is worse. And communalism in your words is all about offering development to everybody irrespective of religion. 
  • Sometimes, you believe in socialism while you or your spouse draws a hefty capitalist salary.
  • You fret about maids salary while offering your maid the market rate in your area.
  • You fret about land being sold in villages for factories, while your house is built on agricultural land (yes, converted 50 years ago, but then how is that also right?)
  • You think development is all great, but villages having power cut is not a big deal - but do check your own generators and ensure that the generators and inverters are running.
  • You think you should contribute time to an NGO (you dont know why you feel like that) - especially on days when you have a fight with your boss.
  • You think dams are a bad idea - and perhaps they are - but then you will fret if there is a 1 hour load shedding in your apartment. 
Oh, well, will stop now...(but do hope to continue more on this)

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